for J.
Gently sinking into the comfortable haze of living day to day
Without demands, without having to even get out of bed!
Softly waking with no hurry, no real commitments, no rules
Maybe you did me a favour after all, firing me, our time was up!
I had come to the end of a stage in my life, I was eager to move on!
Looking back, I realize you were yet another control figure,
And I needed to grow up enough to put you behind me with relief.
The links are like chinks in a fence, built one upon another, joined.
There was a fence around me, self-made really, although I blamed
Everyone else.
It was me that allowed the feet to tramp on my being, the dirt to sully My soul.
I can spot them now, without lying to myself, I can pick out the words
I know the gestures and the silly lies, I will never again let someone
Take my place.
Or control me.
My Dad always said that the pendulum swings, one way and then the
Next, and it does not stay in the middle!
It is the centre part that is hard to keep, it is the balance that is difficult
To reach.
But now I see that the reaching needs to be done, it needs to be
Completed.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life,
And I finally choose to make my journey count, really count, not just
For me.
But for those who may be watching, and maybe it will help them
Find their way.
cailin raine
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